When the Jonas Brothers, Israel-Hamas War, and Friends in Pain Converge
Why I'm staying small in order to love big
I got a free ticket to the Jonas Brothers concert and was among 20k millennials screaming “Year 3000” when I saw a text from my friend updating me on her pain levels. It was one of her hardest days yet. I sat down and responded with the usuals:
I’m sorry. I’m here. I love you. What do you need.
The crowd went wild as Nick ran through the center aisle, grazing the hands of a hundred fans on his way to the B-stage. My phone vibrated. She responded. I responded. While she typed, I looked up and saw bright flares coming from the back of the stage and I wondered how artists manage to put mini-fireworks inside an arena. People were dancing and singing their hearts out, jumping up and down with their hands in the air, and taking selfies with their favorite Jonas in the background.
Another text came through. I responded again. A news alert from Apple popped up on my screen about the Israel-Hamas war. The death count was growing. My friend texted again.
Nick Jonas strummed the guitar and talked about how their first record label dropped them and they almost quit. I thought about my own career. How many times I want to quit writing and making music and being creative every single day.
Another text came through. My friend said she was going to rest. I sent her a picture from the show and told her to sleep well.
I listen to Nick sing “Jealous” and wonder if I’m doing it right. If I’m holding the suffering of my friends and the world well. If I am loving people enough. If I should be more brave with my own creative work. If I should quit. Why anything I do matters when people are being terrorized by machine guns across the world in the exact moment confetti guns fill the air with neon pink at Bridgestone Arena. How do I stay present to my own life when my friend is texting me in excruciating pain? When so many other friends are enduring brutal situations?
I envy the people throughout history who weren’t bombarded with one global tragedy after the next in real time. I feel guilty for envying ignorance. I wonder if I should share social media posts about what’s happening. But I don’t know what I think and I’m afraid to contribute to the noise. But I don’t want my silence to be mistaken for apathy.
Do you relate to this whirlwind?
Every time I find myself in it, the only way I avoid despair is to get really, really small. I literally whisper to myself, “Stay small.” I narrow my focus on my patch of the earth: my home, my family, my community, my street, my town, my work, my gym, my coffee shop, my supper club, and sometimes my state. Focus on being present to the dad at Target who asked me for help finding lipstick for his daughter’s first Taylor Swift concert. Being present to the lonely woman at Discount Tire who needed someone to bear witness to her frustrating day. Being present to my friend’s painful texts and my other friend’s joyous screams in the same night. Being present to the full spectrum of life and volunteering, day after day, to be a vessel of God’s love.
For me, this has been a way of practicing being rooted and built up in Christ (Colossians 2). I cannot root myself in geopolitical stability or perfect health or financial security and maintain my sanity. I have only found peace when I dig my roots deep in the present love of God.
-Savannah
Writing Prompt: Does “staying small” resonate with you? What would volunteering to be a vessel of God’s love look like on an ordinary day in your ordinary life?
Recommended Listening: This doesn’t have to do with anything I wrote, but I really enjoyed this podcast episode called Late Bloomers about people who bloom late in life.
I was a Kings Kaleidoscope show scream singing my heart out the same night that everything went down in Israel (plus stuff in my own sphere of influence), so yeah, I FEEL that guilt too. I once read a tweet in 2020 that if many work or volunteer somewhere that just focuses on one problem, eventually those things will unravel. I am so with you and for you. 🤍